Detention Diva Pillows

'Teacher says I don't pay attention, I have no retention but I'm great at detention.'

'This is called detention... it's not a hostage situation.'

"Don't wait supper for me, Mom. I'll be detained."

Domestic Superheroes!!

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

"Honey, do these sweatpants make me look like I prefer we stay in tonight so I can watch the game?"

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

Housewife feeding her washing machine with a brief.

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

Balancing work and family

"I had to skip my workout."

Ironing day.

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

'Your house is spotless, your children are well behaved and dinner was delicious. How do you do it?'

'Sure, I'm a working mother - is there any other kind?'

Washing Line Walker

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'

Couple who have confused their baby's pram and the lawn mower.

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

Woman has 3 towels in her restroom: 'Mine', 'Mine' and 'Mine'.

'It's labour-saving because with this you'll be able to burn my meals much faster!'

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

'You the one who called Amnesty International?'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'Your CV says in your last job you were responsible for...'

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

Stone Age women were less happy than men at the arrival of the iron age: Look what I've invented just for you darling.

The household cavalry

'Coulda, woulda, and definitely shoulda.'

Whittler's Mother.

"Fair's fair. I cooked the dinner, so you can clean the cauldron!"