Detention Diva Pillows

'Teacher says I don't pay attention, I have no retention but I'm great at detention.'

'This is called detention... it's not a hostage situation.'

"Don't wait supper for me, Mom. I'll be detained."

Domestic Superheroes!!

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

"Honey, do these sweatpants make me look like I prefer we stay in tonight so I can watch the game?"

University Soapflakes

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

Housewife feeding her washing machine with a brief.

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

Balancing work and family

"Really! How many 'How to Survive the Festive Season' articles does one man need?"

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

Ironing day.

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

"I had to skip my workout."

'Your house is spotless, your children are well behaved and dinner was delicious. How do you do it?'

'Sure, I'm a working mother - is there any other kind?'

'It's labour-saving because with this you'll be able to burn my meals much faster!'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

'You the one who called Amnesty International?'

Washing Line Walker

But does he dust anything at our home? Noooo

Couple who have confused their baby's pram and the lawn mower.

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

Woman has 3 towels in her restroom: 'Mine', 'Mine' and 'Mine'.

'Your CV says in your last job you were responsible for...'

Stone Age women were less happy than men at the arrival of the iron age: Look what I've invented just for you darling.

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

"Fair's fair. I cooked the dinner, so you can clean the cauldron!"