Detention Hero Pillows

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

'I'm lost, did you happen to see a lady without a boy like me ?'

'Being stuck on a desert island is one thing, but being struck on a desert island with a hoarder...'

'Coulda, woulda, and definitely shoulda.'

'What did I SAY to DAVE?' - A person with hangover worrying about the night before.

'I drank 10 pints of rum.'

Homeless count.

"If the nanny state wants us to solve the housing crisis they need to get out of the way and let us learn from the leaders in the field..."

Little boy tries to glue a tree back together

Some people save stamps or coins. I save whales.

'My new year's resolution is to stay home next new year's eve.'

"I was totally embarrassed at school today! Miss Lopez yelled at me in math class."

I'm going to hate myself in the morning, but I hate everything in the morning.

Giant sandwich bags.

"Call security - and my cardiologist."

"Who would've thought Ms. Marcus had so little sense of humor?"

"Uggh! Who am I?" 'Rory Bremner wakes up with a hangover'

'Teacher says I don't pay attention, I have no retention but I'm great at detention.'

"I was acquitted."

'My teacher says if I made bad grades, I'm spending too much time in front of the TV. I say if I made good grades, I'm spending too much time at school.'

"Yes, I'm still on hold and counting the billable minutes."

"He's at that funny age. It takes twice as long to get over a good time, as to have it."

'zzz... nyarrrgh... fwa... ...ack... k... na...graa...' - '' - 'I just had the worst dream...' - '' - 'Oh, b***ocks.' - ''

"To think just a few weeks ago he was a lazy bum and now he's saving the world!"

Procrastinators Anonymous: Just wait and see.

"We had to get builders to stop hoarding land and start building houses...extreme forms of persuasion were called for!"

'A regulatory body is here to see you!'

'Monday morning is the new Friday night.'

"I'm keeping you back after school!"

'Well if you don't want to see me in here anymore, then tell the teachers to stop picking on my bad behaviour!'

'What's your best seller?'

The good news is, I'm granting your request for house arrest. The bad news is your wife's to-do list.

Mermaid Environmentalist

"Yeah, but it's okay because they'll never take me alive again."

"I caught him using Google Maps to look out our classroom windows."