Dessert Humorist Gifts

"Captain Hook is an idiot."

"Sorry about that. Just following the serving suggestion."

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"That's it. We’re toast."

Soup of the month.

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

'The Burrito King.'

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

Cake Free Zone

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"What do you suggest...the tuna fish or the peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich?"

I don't know what happened to the poor guy, but he's visibly shaken.

'The following programme contains scones of a sexual nature.'

"What happened to the thin crust guy I married?"

Where Deviled Eggs come from

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

A Pirate Egg Prisoner about to Walk the Plank into a boiling pot of water

'Lets all thank Martha for her very innovative 'Hot Dog Crepes'.'

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

Dave's Hamburger Shop

'No, we don't have any tuna FISH, but we do have salmon FISH, trout FISH, and catfish FISH.'

Gingerbread man sits at desk marked food editor

A sick sandwich is in the hospital and is getting a transfusion on new Maya and Zesty Mustard.

'Do you want toast with that?'

Supermarket Warehouse. At night, with just security here, the products sing classic karaoke. The orange juice is belting Elvis'"All Shook Up." Peanut butter and jelly performed a duet of "Love Will Keep Us Together." children's breakfast cereal sang "Sugar, Sugar." And sriracha sauce did a rendition of "Great Balls of Fire"! What song will the ground beef choose? Jimmy Buffett's "Cheeseburger in Paradise," of course!

What makes the flies in your soup "artisanal"? I know, right? Personally, I think it's just a lot of hype perpetrated by the flies. Menu.