Desk Job Explorer Gifts

"Why is there a piece of cheese on my desk?"

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

Out and In.

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

Commutobile

"Yes, also it keeps you fit."

'On your marks. Get set. Go!' - 'Come on! Keep going! You can do it!' - 'Yay! You're 8 hours closer to the grave!' - 'Oh, God.'

"Of course I have a life. Not one worth living, mind you."

Scapegoat of the Year

"Does it count it after an 80 hour week he's here in body but his mind is off in La La land?"

'My multi-tasking turned into faulty-tasking.'

"Sorry for the wait, our computers are down. We have to do everything manually."

"He said his screen is frozen again."

Inkwell Genie.

'Hard day at work, dear?'

'Remember when we used desktop computers? When everyone at least 'looked' busy?'

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

'Be a sweetie and get me a cup of coffee!'

"Welcome aboard - That'll be your work station over there."

'Your call may be monitored to give us a few good laughs.'

'Too long at his desk...we're going need surgery to cut him free.'

'Being taller than me will get you nowhere.'

Boxes marked 'In', 'Out' and 'How did this end up on my desk?'

'Remember, Preston, all work and no play make you employed.'

"The first of many cubicles..."

"After viewing your current account balance, I think you should read the sign."

Cut and Run

'While you were out I replaced you.'

"Now that you mention it, I have to admit, the daily grind IS starting to get to me!"

"I don't think I can be truly happy unless I have more passwords."

'Where should I leave this?'

'Why is it when you hit two keys by mistake, the one you don't want appears on the screen?'