Desk Job Navigator Gifts

"I don't think I can be truly happy unless I have more passwords."

Working Together

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

Company sales forecast mirrors the weather

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

The new contract didn't leave him much room to maneuver his hoverdesk.

'Need I remind you who's boss here?'

"Of course I have a life. Not one worth living, mind you."

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

"What other skills do you obtain other than being able to answer interview questions?"

"Sorry for the wait, our computers are down. We have to do everything manually."

"He said his screen is frozen again."

'The good news is that from now on I belong to a very rare species. There aren't many personnel managers who create their own pink slip.'

You are here.

'Right, I hope that gives you an idea of what the work is about, any questions?'

"He can give you five minutes if you can find him."

"The first of many cubicles..."

For sale

'I know...he must have taken a big shortcut on his career path.'

'You are here.'

'Nothing serious. I just hate my job.'

'Why is it when you hit two keys by mistake, the one you don't want appears on the screen?'

Working from OM.

"Will this job involve multiple choice, true and false, or essay questions?"

"If you want my opinion you're damned if you do and damned if you don't."

Career advice from the boss

'You say here that hard work doesn't scare you as long as you hide your eyes.'

'I see you worked here seven years ago. Don't you have a better reference than that?'

We have plenty of people here to push paper. I need someone new to push the envelope.

'I shouldn't have yelled at you yesterday so on my behalf I would like you to apologise to yourself.'

Do not resuscitate.

'It's about your reports, Mittens. They're incomprehensible -- It's as if you walked across the keyboard, laid down and rolled over it a hundred times, then took a nap on it.'

Elevator/Open Range

'Think of it as a buyout package, Bob...without the 'buy' and just the 'out'!'