Desk Job Dilettante Gifts

'Mrs. Higgins, please bring me my desk.'

"Well - I've either bought a pack of table napkins, or adopted a Siberian tiger cub..."

"...I try to communicate with Desmond, but all he ever does is grunt."

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

"You've called tech-support so often that it was decided that it's more practical if I just come and live with you."

"Go ahead. Click on 'I Am Not A Robot.' I dare you."

The Internet - Now available in bookstores

"You told me to make a desktop shortcut, so I did. Just take the shortcut I made through the mess."

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

'I'm trying to figure out online shopping. I've found some pants I like, but I can't find a fitting room.'

The Salvador Deli

"Lost all track fo time with you. 93 unread messages!"

"It's called a mobile... but I've been here an hour and have yet to see it move."

"I'd text you, but I haven't learnt to spell yet."

Sitting Out the Lambada

"You know who's a big pain in the a*s? Europe."

I'm beginning to realize you can't cram 10 gigabytes of information into a one-gigabyte brain.

"I dunno. It just doesn't "feel" like a diaper."

Over-qualified?

Entomology Reference: Bees, wasps, drones.

"What's my password? Oh yeah... 'OnCe upona thimeh.'"

'I sure hope this 'timeout' thing is just a phase with Mom.'

'You don't do faith healing do you?'

"To succeed you need luck and pluck. That is, luck in finding someone to pluck."

"I wrote a wonderful eulogy... unfortunately my computer crashed and I lost it."

Prisoner to other: 'But what I actually ended up doing was consolidating all my debts into one ten-year sentence.'

Time Out Room

"I spilled the beans last night so I wouldn't have to eat them."

'Dressage? But Son, what about something more virile like Rodeo or Polo?'

Big smart phone and small tablet.