Diaper Dilettante Gifts

"I dunno. It just doesn't "feel" like a diaper."

You're telling me not to choose sides between Google and Apple. Precisely. Computer Villa. Stay neutral. Continue to support both companies. Emotionally. Right. By buying as much as you can from both companies. Doesn't that only benefit you? Heretic. Absolve yourself by upgrading your phone! Computer Villa.

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

"Well - I've either bought a pack of table napkins, or adopted a Siberian tiger cub..."

Tell me about it--last night I ate a whole sleeve of Communion wafers.

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

"You've called tech-support so often that it was decided that it's more practical if I just come and live with you."

Macho Vegetarian

"Go ahead. Click on 'I Am Not A Robot.' I dare you."

"I asked a designer to come in and give the office a needed pick-me-up...probably should have been a little more specific."

Mrs. H.G.Wells.

The Internet - Now available in bookstores

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

"You told me to make a desktop shortcut, so I did. Just take the shortcut I made through the mess."

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

'I'm trying to figure out online shopping. I've found some pants I like, but I can't find a fitting room.'

'My diet allows me only one muffin a day!'

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

The Salvador Deli

"Oh come on!... How can I only have lost two ounces?!"

"Tell me again how well your low sodium diet is going."

"Would you prefer sparkling water, filtered water, tap water or water?"

"It's called a mobile... but I've been here an hour and have yet to see it move."

"Lost all track fo time with you. 93 unread messages!"

'Okay, okay. On second thought, maybe going on a diet isn't necessary.'

A "half-life" is the time it takes for a quantity of a radioactive material to be cut in half by decay. In each successive half-life period, the quantity is halved again. Half-life length varies widely form element to element. Eating healthier is a common new year's resolution. Our data shows breaking this resolution follows a curve like those seen with nuclear decay. As of yesterday about ten percent of those who made the resolution this year are still sticking to it. We calculated the re

'Since we modified your daughter's digital cellular structure, she's experienced a lot of ringing in her ears. If you need me to check her status, I'll be on call.'

"Lay off the junk food, your pancreas is rusty"

"I'd text you, but I haven't learnt to spell yet."

"My husband is ambidextrous....completely useless with either hand!"

'Honey, I put 500.000,- into chocolate manufacturer stocks and now the share price went down... would you please stop your diet?'

'Put an olive in it please. My doctor says I need more greens and less alchohol.'

"Column A are things they said would kill you ten years ago but are now considered totally good for you. Column B are things they currently think will kill you."

M.D. Robotics. Oil. Stop downloading so many cookies.

"You know who's a big pain in the a*s? Europe."