Desk Dwellers Gifts

'No seriously. His final words actually were, 'If I only had spent more time at the office.''

Money Makes You Smile.

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

Things-to-do-today: Daily workboxes piled up on desk.

'I just don't feel I'm getting anywhere.'

City Boy.

In case of emergency, break glass.

'ACE Heating and cooling' 'What's Hot' 'What Not'

"Memo to self - personalise new work-station."

''A desk job.' That's what they called it at the interview.' 'Same here.' 'SHH!'

Man in office on saddle: 'You heard right. I just got hired as a desk jockey.'

'It's your husband. The baby won't burp for him.'

'I'm thinking of cutting my hours down to 24/7."

Finger on the Z Key

"It was Saturday night. The clock on my office wall showed the time to be eleven-forty-five. There are times when a private eye does not necessarily feel like being a private eye. This was one of those times. The elevator door down the hall clanked open with a clank familiar to anyone on the fourth floor who had had an office on the fourth floor for as long as I had had an office on the fourth floor. Footsteps came down the darkened hall and stopped outside my door. They were the footsteps of a

''Surprise' starts with an 'S', Wilkins! You're in the wrong drawer again!'

"This is Mr. Harrington, our mortgage nerd."

'Don't worry about the company's pension plan. The way we work you, you'll be lucky to live that long!'

"So, you want your owners to write you off and treat you more like their kid?"

Businessman at a bar mad to look like desk. Bartender says: 'The usual, Mr. B?'

"Working from home is a great idea, Dad. We'd just like to establish some kind of dress code."

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

The weightless office.

'Bring me the Wimbish report and a short worm, Ms Perkins, no time for lunch today.'

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

Full work boxes: 'IN and MORE IN'.

'I've noticed that no matter how busy you are, you are never too busy to stop an talk about how busy you are.'

'Your wife called to remind you that you're married, sir.'

"New money, Bobby, is old money that got away."

'We're looking for people who like to take work home.'

"That will be the gold standard by which all other naps are judged."

"Ok Watson, what have you dreamed up?"

Al, The Go-From Guy

"Word is that since we increased your case load, you've been living at the office."