Dedicated Office Dweller Gifts

'We're looking for people who like to take work home.'

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

Things-to-do-today: Daily workboxes piled up on desk.

'I just don't feel I'm getting anywhere.'

"Good morning. Fen, Boscage, Bracken & Spinney."

City Boy.

In case of emergency, break glass.

''A desk job.' That's what they called it at the interview.' 'Same here.' 'SHH!'

'I'm thinking of cutting my hours down to 24/7."

'It's your husband. The baby won't burp for him.'

Office Ergonomics.

"I thought that modern communications systems were meant to be more efficient...That they would cut down on waste and duplication."

'Don't worry about the company's pension plan. The way we work you, you'll be lucky to live that long!'

"It was Saturday night. The clock on my office wall showed the time to be eleven-forty-five. There are times when a private eye does not necessarily feel like being a private eye. This was one of those times. The elevator door down the hall clanked open with a clank familiar to anyone on the fourth floor who had had an office on the fourth floor for as long as I had had an office on the fourth floor. Footsteps came down the darkened hall and stopped outside my door. They were the footsteps of a

"This is Mr. Harrington, our mortgage nerd."

"So, you want your owners to write you off and treat you more like their kid?"

Businessman at a bar mad to look like desk. Bartender says: 'The usual, Mr. B?'

"Working from home is a great idea, Dad. We'd just like to establish some kind of dress code."

'Your wife called to remind you that you're married, sir.'

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

Full work boxes: 'IN and MORE IN'.

Studio in December

The weightless office.

'I've noticed that no matter how busy you are, you are never too busy to stop an talk about how busy you are.'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'Bring me the Wimbish report and a short worm, Ms Perkins, no time for lunch today.'

"New money, Bobby, is old money that got away."

Al, The Go-From Guy

'We were able to make a quick alliance together because of common insecurities.'

"Word is that since we increased your case load, you've been living at the office."

"That's our copy cat."

"People whinge about the irrelevance and duplication of paperwork, but if the forms aren't filled out how are we supposed to know how many forms have been completed?"

"Woof"

R. J. Willoby - Old Money, Old Technology, Member 'Good Old Boys Network'.