Desk Drama Enthusiast Gifts

"Congratulations! You are now in charge of taking all the blame in case of this company's failure!"

You wanted to see me about my attitude?

'I'm afraid that we can't insure you. Our records indicate that you only have one life left'

"Just heading out for a good cry, care to join me?"

'She's serious about answering the phone by the third ring.'

A stand-in secretary

Inbox, Outbox, and Down & Out Box.

Security fence around the inbox.

A Man with Problems.

"Life isn't fair, Mueller. You're the firee and I'm the firer!"

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

"If I made as much as him, I could retire in a couple of days"

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

"It's a wonderful partner's desk-but we think they didn't get along."

The token incompetent: "Hey - don't ask me."

"Anyone else see weaknesses in my report?"

'I didn't realize we'd employed a cyber bully in you, Miss Tweedy.'

You have a major fiasco at 10:30, followed by a shocking scandal at 2:15.

'I'll be a little late with those reports, sir -- my desk organizer crashed.'

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

'Sir, I've got a computer to avoid a giant mess but unfortunately I can't find the computer in this giant mess!'

Stacked In Tray

Unfortunately, Lyle had already sent nasty e-mails to his boss, three vice-presidents and the CEO.

"There's no business deductions like show business deductions."

"It's no good Charlie, I'm done for! You've got to go it alone, Charlie. You've got to go on and nail that presentation! Nail it for me!"

"Bentley, I don't care if you are my heir apparent. Stop peeking in here fifty times a day!"

"It's the never-ending struggle between the State Department and the Department of Defense."

Boss, what if I told you I forgot to lock up last night and someone totally robbed us blind? I'd say "no problem," because of your contract. My contract? It allows me to auction off your less vital internal organs to recover any damages you cause me. You really should read the fine print before you sign the papers, minion. I did. But I wrote in finer print that all fine print is null and void. Only the ruling class can use fine print, minion.

'I wish you would come to me first with your grievances, instead of going directly to the United Nations Committee on Human Rights.'

'Pay no attention to him. He's just a disgruntled former employee.'

"...type yourself a letter of apology for what I did at the office party last night."

See? This is precisely why we don't encourage office romances.

'Hoskins, I'd like to congratulate you on your leadership initiative... and if I didn't feel threatened, I'd keep you on.'

The Last Husband and Wife Team Hired