Deputy Gifts

"Next time you show up for a duel at high noon, remember to factor in Daylight Saving Time. I been standing here like an idiot for an hour."

"You're kidding! I thought it was one-bandolier Friday."

"Your barn door is open."

Mean Sheriff.

"Damn it Zeke, pay attention. I said go round up a posse!"

"I think you need to enroll yourself in a good two-step program."

It's amazing how people slow down when you point a hair dryer at them.

Barney Fife

"I'm his right-hand man...especially when he's about to say something stupid."

'No, that isn't the famous marshal. That's the town drunk. Wyatt Turps.'

Alright, Hutchins - This 'toon ain't big enough for the both of us!

Stick Bandit

'But, Marshal, if I'da built the gallows any higher, ol' Mad Dog here mighta got seriously hurt!'

'Deputy, I asked 'when are you going to a restaurant?' Not 'arrest your aunt'.'

"Gee, Marshal, he must have been one of the good guys"

"Pants in or out?"

"Well, I'll be danged-he's got accordion boots."

"Oh, sorry. I seem to have bellied up to the wrong bar."

"I can't right now. My spurs are stuck together."

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

In basket-case.

"Morning, all!"

'What happened to that efficiency report? I had it in my hand not two minutes ago.'

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

Good Luck!

God's Subcontractors

Shake it all about sign on desk

"Here's some of my work for you to do. It should be a refreshing change...for me."

'Fred's Office Supply? I'd like to order a dozen more desk bins and a step-ladder please.'

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

"Call my broker, fax my accountant, and get my groove back."

"Thank god you're early. It's a can of worms."

"....how many kids have we got now?"

"Hey, no problem. I am one with multiple tasks."

InIn by-products.