Demonic Decor Aficionados Pillows

'Dearest, do you smell something not burning?'

Scene from 'Night of the Koala'

"Ah, Stevens—sit anywhere."

Psychiatrist with bartending diploma

'No, I wouldn't like a free quote for central heating! Where did you get this number?'

"Rate your experience and you could win an Amazon gift voucher."

'A Dust Cow'.

clown trophies

'I'm a taxi-dermist.'

A man sits in an armchair with seven flies or other insects, framed on his wall; he has a fly-swatter in his hand.

"The reconstructive surgery went smoothly but I still get terrible headaches!"

'I hear one more person say 'my bad'. I'll wring their neck!'

"Stop looking up my skirt you little creep!"

"No smoking, except in designated Fire and Brimstone areas."

"D'you know I believe you're right - there isn't any water in here!"

Bathtub with markers to show the water depth

Employee Of The Month

"You also get a choice of finishes ? flat, semigloss or satan."

'I've orders to shave you and douse you!'

'I had an overwhelming urge to be nice again. I think I need a holiday.'

Have a fairy merry Christmas.

unregulated yule log

"He says he needs somewhere hotter to work from."

Trends in Office Décor.

"Thanks, it's the ninth designer cushion I've shoplifted this week..."

"Go get me a visualiser! I'm thinking market meltdown, I'm thinking bail-out suspension!"

Devil buys a fridge (its hot in hell).

"Can't you get into the spirit of things?"

"Would you mount the front half of a centaur?"

"No, not a ship in a bottle, a bottle in a ship."

We actually hate having guests