Demographic Analyst Gifts

'Give it to me straight, doc. How much longer do I have in advertising's prime demographic audience?'

The Jeopardy of Progress

Pounding speeds up the computer.

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

The Anti-Agent

British savings accounts

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"My email is down... talk to me."

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

Fear/Knowledge

'3 Second Loading Zone.'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

Time for More Paperwork

"Of course this'll be a great year. The data, sales projections, customer surveys, and my mom all think so."

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

"Always remember, sweetheart, that when the service is free, YOU'RE the product!"

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

'I think we'd be more confident about meeting our targets if we could work out what they were!'

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"I fear one day our jobs will be taken over by technology."

"My favorite way to start the day...coffee, danish, and a data dump."

"Peterson proposes we move out of the mountains."

Late/Too Late.

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."