Delicatessen Owner Gifts

"Stilton's the king, Camembert and chèvre are landed gentry, and cheddars are the serfs, you know."

"What's upscale today, Joey?"

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

Sun Dried Mice

Cheese shop...Cheese and cracker cheese.

'Do you do the squished up little balls that taste of fish - or are you the wrong ethnicity?'

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

Fast food. Even faster food

Cut Price

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

Today's special... donuts.

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

Mac's Bait and Sushi Shop

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"Something romantic, perhaps?"

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

Try to guess the continent dining...

'Mom's Diner, Turkey Sandwich Special, $2.00.'

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

"I understand this diner has quite a reputation."

Desert $2.75. See? -- It wasn't a typo.

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

"This is our soft opening."

Bar snacks served in bird-feeders.

Kitchen Kapers

"Five hamburgers with buns, three hamburgers without buns and two buns, without hamburgers."