Delicatessen Explorer Gifts

Cured Ham $5.95 -- "Cured"? What was wrong with it?

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

Diner.

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

'I want to visit the very EDGE of civilisation, to explore the BRUTAL shores of natures most REMOTE regions. If you could manage that with a five star hotel and first class travel it would be perfect.'

'Still not ready to talk? Ok dip him again.'

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

Craft Donuts vs. Craft Beer

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

Platter confusion.

Haute Chinese

Pick Your Own Baby Lamb Chop

Bottomless bowl of soup

'Michelin stars? I don't think we have any, but one of the tires on the catering truck might be.'

"Ooh, that looks delicious! Does it photograph well?"

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

'Heads it's mortgage payment, tails it's 1st growth Bordeaux.'

"If you find a shiny lure in your fish dinner, the chef would like it back. He needs to catch more fish for dinner."

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

"More croutons, sir?"

'It's the new iPed. It's a pedometer, a GPS, and it has apps that show you the nearest ice cream parlors and dessert shops.'

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

Nutritional Supplements.

'Who orderes the roasted chicken plate and who ordered the soup?'

"You were right-we should have just split one."

"Stilton's the king, Camembert and chèvre are landed gentry, and cheddars are the serfs, you know."

"Have you had a chance to look at the menu?"

"Whatever diet they're on, tell them what they ordered is PERFECT for them."

"Yum! I should have ordered dessert, too—can I try yours?"

Sandwich snob.