Degree Dilettante Gifts

'Mr. Doan says he has a bachelor's degree, but I happen to know he's married.'

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

"Forget it - she's out of your league."

"I asked a designer to come in and give the office a needed pick-me-up...probably should have been a little more specific."

Turn around at the next junction, turn around now! Turn around immediately - you've forgotten your handbags!

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

'What superpower would I like? Normally, invisibility, but as I'm a 53 year old female, I feel that I've already been granted it.'

"Remember, I'm 'catch and release'."

"Dating advice from your old man? Ew, weird. Instead, let's ask Stinky Rick."

"Would you prefer sparkling water, filtered water, tap water or water?"

"My husband is ambidextrous....completely useless with either hand!"

"You know who's a big pain in the a*s? Europe."

Rusty and Molly's first date was going beautifully until the 'car tyre incident.

'Are you fit, attractive male...?'

"Of course, you understand you can't possibly stay here tonight."

The singles bar...

'Excuse me - Which way is Southwestern North Carolina?'

Prisoner to other: 'But what I actually ended up doing was consolidating all my debts into one ten-year sentence.'

"Why is living my best life so fattening?"

'I sure hope this 'timeout' thing is just a phase with Mom.'

'You don't do faith healing do you?'

"So how was your date with Smiley?"

Time Out Room

"I spilled the beans last night so I wouldn't have to eat them."

'Dressage? But Son, what about something more virile like Rodeo or Polo?'

'I don't need a GPS. I'm guided by greed.'

Novice plumbers replacing a washer in a leaky faucet.

'If you want somewhere quiet and without crowds...I recommend Greece.'

'Lucifer casts out into Hell'