Defensive Driving Critic Pillows

'I'm not a bad driver, they're bad pedestrians.'

'No, don't tell me, your electric garage door is broken.'

"Here's the weak point."

"Today U.S. Defense Industry stocks rose on news Dick Cheney endorsed Donald Trump."

Safe driver.

"Looks like we've taken care of the enemy and pretty much everything else."

Defensive EU

"I've only had eighteen pints and can drive perfectly well osifer...why don't you go and arrest some real criminals?!"

'With all the cars being stolen these days, I went out and bought the strongest security system I could afford.'

How was my emergency stop?

'That tut, tut sound when you park..? It's your husband.'

"And remember, always keep two chevrons apart."

'Would it matter if I was on the phone reminding my daughter not to drive while talking on the phone?'

No child onboard. Don't drive carefully.

"Any drugs or alcohol?"

"I don't care about the test. Put the bloody breaks on!"

Seat belts - The giving of life.

Geezer crossing.

I'm the Bluebird of Happy Motoring. If you must drink, don't drive!

'Henry's afraid of Sunday drivers.'

Car sign reads: 'How's my wife's driving?'

"Ma'am, do you know how well you were driving?"

'Hey, you just cut me off!'

"No, Mr. Smith. You can't go and wheel spin outside Edna's chip shop."

Speed Bump

Motorists see sign: You are now approaching the world's first automated highway(Last chance for a fit of road rage for 150 miles).

'Directions? You just wanted directions?'

'Oh brother, not another one! When are you middle-aged guys going to wise up and stop shoveling your driveways>'

Driver sees 'Yield' road sign as tank is on road in which car merges.

'I certainly don't get tailgated anymore!'

'I text while I drive because it keeps me from speeding.'

"By the way...what is the minimum stoppping distance at 60 MPH?"

What women believe vs. what men believe.

Billy strip: driving slowly.

"Glasses? Oh heavens no - just get super obnoxious LED lights and drive with your brights on."