Defensive Driving Critic Pillows

'I'm not a bad driver, they're bad pedestrians.'

'No, don't tell me, your electric garage door is broken.'

"Here's the weak point."

"Today U.S. Defense Industry stocks rose on news Dick Cheney endorsed Donald Trump."

Safe driver.

Defensive EU

"I've only had eighteen pints and can drive perfectly well osifer...why don't you go and arrest some real criminals?!"

"Looks like we've taken care of the enemy and pretty much everything else."

'With all the cars being stolen these days, I went out and bought the strongest security system I could afford.'

How was my emergency stop?

'That tut, tut sound when you park..? It's your husband.'

"And remember, always keep two chevrons apart."

No child onboard. Don't drive carefully.

'Would it matter if I was on the phone reminding my daughter not to drive while talking on the phone?'

"Any drugs or alcohol?"

"I don't care about the test. Put the bloody breaks on!"

Seat belts - The giving of life.

Geezer crossing.

"No, Mr. Smith. You can't go and wheel spin outside Edna's chip shop."

I'm the Bluebird of Happy Motoring. If you must drink, don't drive!

Motorists see sign: You are now approaching the world's first automated highway(Last chance for a fit of road rage for 150 miles).

Car sign reads: 'How's my wife's driving?'

Speed Bump

"Ma'am, do you know how well you were driving?"

'Hey, you just cut me off!'

'Henry's afraid of Sunday drivers.'

Driver sees 'Yield' road sign as tank is on road in which car merges.

'I text while I drive because it keeps me from speeding.'

'I certainly don't get tailgated anymore!'

"By the way...what is the minimum stoppping distance at 60 MPH?"

Billy strip: driving slowly.

"Frequently rude drivers ahead."

What women believe vs. what men believe.

"Glasses? Oh heavens no - just get super obnoxious LED lights and drive with your brights on."