Defensive Driver Pillows

'With all the cars being stolen these days, I went out and bought the strongest security system I could afford.'

'See what I mean? - Look how close that woman driver is driving in front of me!'

'I certainly don't get tailgated anymore!'

How was my emergency stop?

Team Leader

"These colder temperatures always cause my tire pressure to drop—it's a good thing I stopped to check." Peter finally grows up.

"What road do you want to dart across today?"

Kangaroo mom to child, 'We're not going anywhere until you buckle-up, young man.'

'So much for your new Satnav!'

"Ralph's smart car not only drives better than he does, it also works better. So we fired him and hired the car."

Three lanes of traffic with the first two lanes crowded with turtles. The third lane (to the left) a couple rabbits speeding along without any traffic. An easy pass sign has carrots replacing dollars.

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

All of our representatives are busy right now. Stay on the line and someone will be with you in a few miles.

"It's an honest mistake I'm sure we'll never hear of again."

"In my own country I didn't drive a taxi."

Lady about flat tire: 'It's not too bad - it's only flat on the bottom.'

Stop, Smell Roses (stop and smell the roses)

Better times ahead.

'I hate to tell you this, but enlightenment just isn't for commuters.'

Exit Next Left

"No officer, I didn't what the speed limit was. Those signs were going by too fast."

Through Traffic Keep Left/We're Through Traffic Keep Right

GPS can still have a few bugs in the system.

'God's speed.'

"Remember, when you back up, make that 'beep beep' sound."

"Your driver will arrive in 4...9...17 minutes after three accidental loops around the airport."

'If I was this car I wouldn't let you in the drivers seat!'

'I told you not to rely on the sat-nav.'

"For pity's sake, George - stop tooting and ask for directions!"

'Isn't that a little extreme? - Cloning yourself just so you can use the carpool lane?'

"Even my chauffeur has a chauffeur."

"Yeah, a merry Christmas to you too."

Lady to man in netted car: 'Stinkin' speed trap.'

Caution: ironic literal proverb ahead (fork in the road)