Deer Disguise Dilettante Gifts

'No, I don't think your disguise will attract deer. To be honest, you look like an idiot.'

"I asked a designer to come in and give the office a needed pick-me-up...probably should have been a little more specific."

Mrs. H.G.Wells.

The Salvador Deli

"Would you prefer sparkling water, filtered water, tap water or water?"

'Okay, okay. On second thought, maybe going on a diet isn't necessary.'

"My husband is ambidextrous....completely useless with either hand!"

Early Ram Raids

The singles bar...

Sitting Out the Lambada

"I don't care what his name was. When I said I needed a Philips head, I meant a screwdriver you idiot!"

"I dunno. It just doesn't "feel" like a diaper."

"I spilled the beans last night so I wouldn't have to eat them."

"Why is living my best life so fattening?"

'Keep popping those tops, Sammy! Draw that buck in a little closer and then we'll jump him!'

'Dressage? But Son, what about something more virile like Rodeo or Polo?'

"Finding a big enough venue for the partner conference wasn't easy...eventually we had to settle on Las Vegas!"

'Lucifer casts out into Hell'

Novice plumbers replacing a washer in a leaky faucet.

IRS. Pay Taxes Here. It's the amount owe

Man paints himself into corner.

"...I have no idea how to make cheese."

'The only problem being a Beefeater is that I'm a vegetarian.'

"I like to sit here and look at all the things I don't have."

'Yes sir, been deer hunting for nigh on forty years. Ain't nuthin' I don't know about...say, don't I know you from somewhere?'

"We had special places in hell but what with the influx of baby boomers we're putting people wherever we can."

Bark bark bark bark

'If you must give me withering glances, could you focus on me and spare the plants?'

'What happened between design and development?'

"Aeschylus is good, I suppose, but I go to the theatre to relax."

Demon with his tail caught in the holy book of an unaware monk

'You have what we in the medical profession call an enlarged appetite.'

Vibes: Good/Badl

"Have you installed some new kitchen taps like I asked?"

Life in the Dark Ages...