Dedicated Sports Viewer Gifts

'My wife had a near death experience last night - she started vacuuming when the World Cup was on!!'

"Honey, do these sweatpants make me look like I prefer we stay in tonight so I can watch the game?"

"I AM at my usual position."

350 Feet.

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

Putting Practice.

To attract a bigger audience, the world chess federation allow fans to distract an opponent when it's his move.

'Can't you at least wait until half time?!'

'Football...Beer...Popcorn...that is Bernie's Stimulus Package.'

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

Watching the football.

"Whaddaya say we head home and curl up in front of a nice warm football game?"

'Double Dannys': Danny Baker and Danny Kelly.

Man watching football on T.V. in armchair made of beer cans.

'He gets confused switching channels between the World series and NFL games.'

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

"Whoa. Check it out, Doug. Your ex-wife is sitting right below us with that dolt she ran off with..."

'Why is laying around watching movies considered cozy, but laying around watching football is considered lazy?'

Bob liked getting involved - but not actively involved.

"Right-ho, Jeeves!"

A football player accidentally kicks off the head of another football player.

I think you just paid £5000 for cricket box, not a box at the cricket.

"...and how do you feel about being labelled the new Great British hope?"

Octopus in the bleachers.

I told you you weren't allowed to stretch before the seventh inning. Security.

'I don't see how you can put your profession as TV star just because you were in the crowd of Match of the Day!'

"...and this TV was designed specially for watching basketball!"

'What?! I barely touched him! He's pulling the old flopperoo!'

Fresh hamsters on a stick.

"I thought they decided who was the best team last year?"

Footbalistas - A group of people passionately dedicated to the all-day broadcast of professional sports."

Tennis confuses me. How can you be a loser when you endlessly have love?

'I know my electric bills are way over due, but could you at least wait until the Super Bowl is over before turning off my electricity?'

'I thought you wanted to get more involved with my sports.'

The steeple-chase. Man reads a sign stating that no horseman is allowed to follow the racehorses over the course.