Decor Humorist Gifts

"Hmm, I'm not sure... let me see it in the corner again."

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

Frog to other frog: 'Hey, nice pad.'

"Take me to your Larder!"

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

'I've had the place gob-stopper-dashed.'

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Smoke and mirrors.

Yard Sale

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

'Oh, just chuck it in a corner somewhere...'

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

Duvet nailed to the floor.

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

In trays read: Bluff/Blink.

"Did I miss a lot of work while I was out with the flu? No, I didn't miss it at all!"

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

"Things to do today: 1) stare out window 2) crap on new bedspread 3) stare out window 4) claw up ottoman 5) stare out window 6) take nap."

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"Buying the largest TV on the market was a good idea. Mounting it was not."

'Don't blame me - It's my husband's cooking!'

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

Carpet Cows

Dog Bookends

'Sorry I'm late getting home from work. I overslept.'

'A Dust Cow'.

Need something from the fridge? This looks like a job for...Indoorman!

'On second thought, he does do one thing around the house -- he cleans out the refrigerator.'

A slow-moving predator, the couch only needs to eat every few years.