Decor Humorist Gifts

"Hmm, I'm not sure... let me see it in the corner again."

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

Frog to other frog: 'Hey, nice pad.'

"Take me to your Larder!"

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

'I've had the place gob-stopper-dashed.'

Still Life With Nordic Track

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Smoke and mirrors.

Yard Sale

'Oh, just chuck it in a corner somewhere...'

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

Duvet nailed to the floor.

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

In trays read: Bluff/Blink.

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

"Did I miss a lot of work while I was out with the flu? No, I didn't miss it at all!"

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

"Things to do today: 1) stare out window 2) crap on new bedspread 3) stare out window 4) claw up ottoman 5) stare out window 6) take nap."

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

'Don't blame me - It's my husband's cooking!'

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

Dog Bookends

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

Carpet Cows

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

"Buying the largest TV on the market was a good idea. Mounting it was not."

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

'Sorry I'm late getting home from work. I overslept.'

VARIOUS ITEMS OF LABELLED KITCHENWARE.

'On second thought, he does do one thing around the house -- he cleans out the refrigerator.'

A slow-moving predator, the couch only needs to eat every few years.