Decision Chuckler Gifts

"This is Plan A. I recommend we skip it and get right on to Plan B."

"G.P.S. FOR GUYS"

World of Cow.

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

'What do you mean you're afraid of the dark? You're a nightcrawler.'

"Year after year we sit here quietly raising eyebrows, son."

"If global warming is a left wing plot... it's a very good one."

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

Nobody noticed when poor Farmer Jack froze to death in the snow at the front of his farm.

"You're not helping the methane problem, you know."

"Will this global warming mean we'll have longer summer vacations?"

Keyboard in Heaven

'No kidding? You don't wear anything underneath either?'

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'

'You want a second opinion? -- Oh, a big shot, eh?'

"It's weeder's elbow."

'My client pleads not guilty, Your Honor, on the grounds that it's so hard to find decent role models these days.'

'So, Cameron and Clegg have formed a coition.' - 'Sorry, coalition.' - 'Reminder to self. 'No more cheese before bed time.''

"It's all very well being healed, but that mobility scooter cost a fortune."

Erm...what the hell is cud, anyway?

Tonight's topic: Global warming.

Teacher to student with spots: 'Tests make you nervous and break out in what?'

'Of course it's renewable -- you just throw more sticks on it!'

'Does the suicide clause apply if he eats himself to death?'

'So that's 60 minutes, room 4 with Sally, and will you be taking our standard resuscitation insurance?'

"He says masks are mandatory to enter. Should we try the other place instead?"

"What's all this I've been hearing about the Cloud?"

"Someday, son, because of global warming, all this will be your valuable beachfront estate."

'You're sure a thirsty bunch.'

'Unexpected item in bagging area!'

'I'm going to have to scan, it could take a while.'

'Hey - I was in line first! There you go again...messing up the pecking order!'

'You've got yellow fever, so we're painting the room to match your body.'

Waiting In Doctor's Office