Case Chuckler Gifts

'My client pleads not guilty, Your Honor, on the grounds that it's so hard to find decent role models these days.'

"G.P.S. FOR GUYS"

"No, nothing wrong. Just a great excuse for not 'noticing' some folks."

One way only.

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

'Fancy a swift half?'

How was I supposed to know she was under age?

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

"Mr. Evans, it's a speeding ticket. You can't plea insanity."

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

"...And now show us what you said."

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

Keyboard in Heaven

"It's weeder's elbow."

'You want a second opinion? -- Oh, a big shot, eh?'

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

"It's all very well being healed, but that mobility scooter cost a fortune."

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

'Does the suicide clause apply if he eats himself to death?'

'Bless you!'

"What's all this I've been hearing about the Cloud?"

"Damn it—I think I just butt-donated to a charity."

'You didn't chew, did you ?!'

"This is Plan A. I recommend we skip it and get right on to Plan B."

"I just talked to Grunzman on the phone when he called in sick...I fear he really has got something very, very highly contagious!"

'There's a policeman here who thinks I shouldn't be talking on the cellphone while driving.'

"For parking in a handicap space, I sentence you to 30 days in a wheelchair!'

Man In Desert Hunted By Shark.

'Hey - I was in line first! There you go again...messing up the pecking order!'