Decision Chuckler Pillows

"This is Plan A. I recommend we skip it and get right on to Plan B."

"G.P.S. FOR GUYS"

World of Cow.

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

"Year after year we sit here quietly raising eyebrows, son."

'What do you mean you're afraid of the dark? You're a nightcrawler.'

"If global warming is a left wing plot... it's a very good one."

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

"You're not helping the methane problem, you know."

Nobody noticed when poor Farmer Jack froze to death in the snow at the front of his farm.

"Will this global warming mean we'll have longer summer vacations?"

Keyboard in Heaven

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'

"It's weeder's elbow."

'You want a second opinion? -- Oh, a big shot, eh?'

'No kidding? You don't wear anything underneath either?'

"It's all very well being healed, but that mobility scooter cost a fortune."

'My client pleads not guilty, Your Honor, on the grounds that it's so hard to find decent role models these days.'

Tonight's topic: Global warming.

Erm...what the hell is cud, anyway?

'It's bad news I'm afraid,we're asprins'

'So, Cameron and Clegg have formed a coition.' - 'Sorry, coalition.' - 'Reminder to self. 'No more cheese before bed time.''

'Does the suicide clause apply if he eats himself to death?'

Teacher to student with spots: 'Tests make you nervous and break out in what?'

'Of course it's renewable -- you just throw more sticks on it!'

'So that's 60 minutes, room 4 with Sally, and will you be taking our standard resuscitation insurance?'

"What's all this I've been hearing about the Cloud?"

"He says masks are mandatory to enter. Should we try the other place instead?"

'You're sure a thirsty bunch.'

"Someday, son, because of global warming, all this will be your valuable beachfront estate."

'I'm going to have to scan, it could take a while.'

'Unexpected item in bagging area!'

'Hey - I was in line first! There you go again...messing up the pecking order!'

"I don't know anything about global warming, but these ice cubes are melting like crazy."