Debt Satirist Gifts

"You owe us five more dollars."

Spot the difference.

The truth is, Congressman, we didn't know it was wrong to screw people.

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

Vinnie's Repossessions: A Turtle has just had his shell repossessed

"The economy's been worsening for a while, but people still don't feel it, Rudy." "...Which means we still have time to get in on the despair action." "Despair action"? "We're going to expand our menu. Add more comfort foods, more 'sale' items, debt consolidation loans..." "Nobody's dumb enough to get a debt consolidation loan from some random guy." "Ha ha hoo hoo hee-"

'I think we're setting the bar too low.'

'Bad news on Wall Street. The entire stock market has been downgraded to a 'junk' classification.'

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

Where Ignorance is Bliss.

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

'The fourth quarter was no walk in the park. Especially for those who count on us to walk in the park.'

This government special reserve fund is like a cookie jar for crooked cronies!

'The bad news is that we're only in it for the money.'

'The 'free market' economic theory is falling!'

Your son has a genetic inability to calculate. This forecasts for him a brilliant career in the Ministry of Finance.

I think I can explain what happened to your investment, with the use of this simple chart.

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

'I blame Iceland - it's PAYBACK!'

'It's a demonstration by retired CEOs who refuse to give up their bonuses.'

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

"We disagree with the president - we kinda like Robin Hood - we take from everyone and keep it - how much more successful can you get?"

Offshore tax havens.

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

'Cutting back to a single securities regulator is a good idea. After that, one more reduction and our troubles are over.'

Bank of Cyprus-sia

If things were going just a little bit better we could have filed for bankruptcy.

"Yes, 650,- euro net rent is a pretty good price and it's a very nice house... By the way, I'm talkins about this house, sir."

The ground cracking beneath a banker's feet because his bonus is so big and heavy.

'This charge is for the office visit, this charge is for blood work, and this charge just about pays off the doc's school loan.'

The court freezes my assets and wants me to live on $20K per month? They want me to starve!

Inflation is a national headache. . . caused by asset indigestion!

Another Rogue Trader

'I told you we should use some pig Latin in our quarterly statement. It's important to have investors trying to decipher something other than our quarterly returns.'