Dating Theorist Gifts

What's the best way to avoid getting stuck in a serious relationship? Little buddy … Aren't you putting the cart before the horse? You haven't even had a date in … what it it, two years? … Which means I'm due for an extra-clingy relationship any day now. Well ... I suppose that is in keeping with Randy's postulate #498 ... The cling-i-tude of a relationship is directly proportional to the amount of time it takes to get into it. Is there any formula for avoiding that? Maybe if I carry the one?

You called me? Why're you in your lab coat? Big discovery. Since 1768, the Giacomo Theorem has stated the number of chicks a dude can pick up is inversely proportional to his age. But he was wrong. You mean … He forgot to carry the charm.

"And now, a little theorem for all you lovers out there."

I really think I can handle this date on my own. Lemme ask you something. Would you trust me alone with a ybot 340? An Xbox 360? They changed the name? Okay. But you cannot hit on my date. I'm only here to help.

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

"Listen to me, Nathan. Chicks love bad boys."

Yeah, you're right. She's playing hard-to-get.

Boyfriend of the Month.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. I thought we were just dating."

A man reads a book called 'Opening Lines' while a woman reads a book called 'Brush Offs'.

"Instead of making a long-term commitment to marriage, I've decided to lease a man."

The Stages of Wine

"I got my emotional baggage down to a little carry-on."

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

'Standing on tiptoe waving your claw may attract a crab, but it certainly doesn't woo me.'

'I don't believe in blind dates... the last time I got fixed up I got neutered.'

'Why are they called the opposite sex?'

"I've had my eye on you for some time"

'Wow!... Look at the personality on her!'

Dating Rule #1. Repeat after me: I need some space. I need some space. Got it. Good. Make sure you tell that to Laurel all the time. But

"Tell your date you're a vegetarian before he orders that expensive gourmet dinner."

"Not so fast, Casanova! I want to get to know a man and his intentions better before I allow him to accompany me to the cinema!"

I can't believe I fell for the old "would you like to come to my place and see my etchings?" line. How old is that line, anyway? The last time it was used successfully was by Albrecht Dürer in 1495.

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

"Why do I always choose 'The Bad Boy'?"

Tom prepares for his hot date.

"First, you will meet Mr. Hot. Next, you will meet Mr. Cool. Then you will meet Mr. Right."

"I just don't want to be the rebound iguana."

"Sorry Peter, but you're just not evolving quickly enough."

Quantum Breakup

"Sorry I'm late... I was getting our date approved by my lawyer."

"To quote my broker, 'Past results are no guarantee of future performance.'"

"I'm a simple man, really."

'Well thank you Igor!! I spend all night making small talk with the blonde and Mr. googly eyes has to show up!!'

'I'm normally a leg man, but in your case.'