Dating Dynamics Fan Gifts

"If you won't let me pay for dinner, at least let me pay for sex later."

Mona Lisa in a bar: 'Forget it, Ted...she's way out of your league!'

"Don't worry, we only went out once. I never saw him naked - not until now, of course."

I'm in a quandary, Ann. On the one hand, I was hoping to have "the most fun you can have without laughing" tonight. On the other hand, this being a comic strip, going for laughs is the whole idea. What would Beetle Bailey do?

'I finally found Mr Right!'

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

"She's just being Koi."

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

"Nothing else in my room can spin on the floor like a bottle."

A child as a pet substitute.

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies!'

"Could you please downgrade this to a C? High expectations bring out the worst in my parents."

'So, you're an organ-grinder's monkey? A professional beggar? Is that how you intend to support my daughter?'

"Why don't you move over here, Mr. Lowery, where you'll be closer to everything."

"We need to have a serious talk."

'You are right, honey, it's raining too much. It's not the best day to visit my mom.'

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

'I'm leaving my wife because of another woman. Her mother.'

"I thought we agreed we wouldn't tell your Dad about the Easter Bunny till next year."

"The kids - Prince Englebert and Princess Felicia - would like us to move into the olde monarchs' home."

'Yoy know perfectly well WHICH corner, Jamie!'

'You can't keep rescuing him. If he really wants help, book him an appointment.'

"...and then while I was at soccer practice they moved house."

"It's funny how people suddenly come out of the woodwork when they know you're taken."

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

Bears: 'Mummy, mummy can I sleep over at Jessica's this winter.'

Well, obviously we can't live with my parents

'It's good, Timmy, but it's not refrigerator good.'

'I want to thank my biological and surrogate Mother, my two Dads.. .'

"Daddy can't help you, son. Daddy's a product of the 'me' generation."

'We're identical twins, but I'm luckier than he is!'