Dating Dynamics Fan Gifts

"If you won't let me pay for dinner, at least let me pay for sex later."

Mona Lisa in a bar: 'Forget it, Ted...she's way out of your league!'

"Don't worry, we only went out once. I never saw him naked - not until now, of course."

'I finally found Mr Right!'

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"She's just being Koi."

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

A child as a pet substitute.

"Nothing else in my room can spin on the floor like a bottle."

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies!'

"Could you please downgrade this to a C? High expectations bring out the worst in my parents."

"Why don't you move over here, Mr. Lowery, where you'll be closer to everything."

'So, you're an organ-grinder's monkey? A professional beggar? Is that how you intend to support my daughter?'

'You are right, honey, it's raining too much. It's not the best day to visit my mom.'

"We need to have a serious talk."

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

"It's funny how people suddenly come out of the woodwork when they know you're taken."

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

'Yoy know perfectly well WHICH corner, Jamie!'

"...and then while I was at soccer practice they moved house."

'I'm leaving my wife because of another woman. Her mother.'

"The kids - Prince Englebert and Princess Felicia - would like us to move into the olde monarchs' home."

Bears: 'Mummy, mummy can I sleep over at Jessica's this winter.'

'You can't keep rescuing him. If he really wants help, book him an appointment.'

'It's good, Timmy, but it's not refrigerator good.'

'I want to thank my biological and surrogate Mother, my two Dads.. .'

'We're identical twins, but I'm luckier than he is!'

"Daddy can't help you, son. Daddy's a product of the 'me' generation."

"This cat has got to go on a diet...he weighs 78 pounds!"

'Must you find fault every time she brings a boyfriend home?'

Joe Hundredaire