Dating Dynamics Analyzer Gifts

"She had a lot to offer – but she never offered it."

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"We hope seeing a marriage counselor maybe could make one of us less stubborn!"

"Why don't you move over here, Mr. Lowery, where you'll be closer to everything."

"I'm not ready to put you on my favorites contact list, but I will add you to a group text."

Romantic Coffee Dates

"It's funny how people suddenly come out of the woodwork when they know you're taken."

"Before we take this any further, I'd like us to open about our internet history."

"I must say, Doctor Jeckyll, that you bear little resemblance to your profile picture."

'Gosh, Cindylou, you can't judge a guy solely on how he eats spaghetti!'

'But enough about me... let's talk about you. Do you prefer plain or ribbed condoms?'

Your numerous prescriptions really have improved my love life. I'm dating my pharmacist.

'I'm normally a leg man, but in your case.'

"So - we meet at last."

"Rick, here, is totally passive, and you always have to be in control, so I thought you might like each other."

"I googled you and I'm not interested."

'Hi, I'm Sheldon, and I want to speak to you about perception management!'

Nerd night out.

Young Accountants in Love: 'I didn't reach the same conclusion, Phil. In fact, my preliminary figures indicate we just can't go on meeting like this!'

"Tried an online dating site. Evidently it's not a calendar!"

You're wearing your lab coat. What's up? Something big. Amending my unified theory of picking up chicks. Check it out. Explain, doctor. To start, you'll need a notepad and a gym membership.

'You'll have to excuse my date. He's still in beta.'

'He's a nice guy, but he doesn't bite, if you know what I mean.'

I drink to forget. Is that just for things in the past, or does it cover mistakes you might make later tonight?

She looked even better in person. Although she might be Photoshopped.

'Your father and I would rather you didn't go out tonight,Jessica dear!'

'But I assure you - I'm genuinely interested in your brains!'

"If you won't let me pay for dinner, at least let me pay for sex later."

"I tried a dating website and found true love. She confides all her personal problems to me, and even her bank account number."

"Ooh, let's see if I can guess your star sign from your personality traits; Vanity, ignorance, inflated ego, selfishness... Nope. You're going to have to tell me."

'Y'know, those mood rings are pretty accurate!'

This had better be important. Hillary Clinton has got me thinking, Darlene. For eight years, she's been teasing us about whether she'll run for president. Maybe you've just been teasing me about us all these years. First of all, that's a sexist way to speak about Hillary Clinton. Secondly, I haven't been teasing you, Rudy. I just don't like you like that!!!! So you're saying I've got a chance?

Kindly readers, we are currently exploring a sensitive aspect of modern dating: The unrequited cellphone message. Two hours ago, Rudy left such a message for his girlfriend, Laurel, and she has yet to call him back. In another era, this would not necessarily be cause for concern. But with portable phones, some believe a delayed response might be a message of its own. She almost certainly left me for Larry Kudlow. Or her battery's out.

I'm in a quandary, Ann. On the one hand, I was hoping to have "the most fun you can have without laughing" tonight. On the other hand, this being a comic strip, going for laughs is the whole idea. What would Beetle Bailey do?

"I noticed you looking at me."