Date Disaster Storyteller Pillows

'THAT'S your ringtone - I'd like you to take me home now,'

'Maybe it should be funnier...'

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"No word from the company – but, it's clear that this is a major spill."

"It was meant to be a surprise romantic dinner for two, but to cut a long story short, it's been a recipe for disaster."

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

'I wish I'd never seen Lost, now.'

"Re-calculating, arrive at your final destination in six...five...four..."

"May I suggest hard a-starboard, or port, or whatever!"

Chernobyl, 30th anniversary

"Over there - an island!"

'Let me just run through the offside rule.'

Colin had heard that women liked honesty in men.

Man with mobile phone says: 'I can't call for help, I'm filming this for the TV news.'

'Unusual weather for June'

"Your blind dates is at the bar - I'll upgrade you to a table by the getaway door."

If only they'd taken it with them!

"Well, my pension was tied up in the cruise liner industry."

'Well, you've been a great companion, Charlie. But you'd better hope we're rescued before Thanksgiving.'

"My love for you knows no bounds, Trish."

I'm an investor. My star sign is predator.

'One day, this will make a wonderful metaphor.'

'Wanted for Arson: El ni?o'

"So now I guess I'll have to meet your friends."

'Typical. Now we're flooded with bloody politicians...'

Desert Island Messages

Tom suspected the date wasn't going as well as he'd hoped when she asked for the Emergency exit.

"Could you ask the driver to slow down we're trying to film 'Great Railway Journeys' here.

Shipwrecked - Population 2.

'The worse part is there's no ATM here.'

The tip of the iceberg

Free Oil.

"Actually, in my younger days, I was really a Wildman."

"Public display of rejection"

"A MacArthur, the lecture circuit, and thou!"