Database Dilettante Gifts

'Right Miss Piggot...I see that according to our records you're pregnant and expecting a little girl in three months.'

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

"Well - I've either bought a pack of table napkins, or adopted a Siberian tiger cub..."

'What we need is a decision, not more foot-dragging.'

Tell me about it--last night I ate a whole sleeve of Communion wafers.

"...I try to communicate with Desmond, but all he ever does is grunt."

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

"You've called tech-support so often that it was decided that it's more practical if I just come and live with you."

"Forget it - she's out of your league."

Macho Vegetarian

"Go ahead. Click on 'I Am Not A Robot.' I dare you."

"I asked a designer to come in and give the office a needed pick-me-up...probably should have been a little more specific."

'You know me, I'm a problem solver. I listen. I flirt with understanding. I move on.'

The Internet - Now available in bookstores

Turn around at the next junction, turn around now! Turn around immediately - you've forgotten your handbags!

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

"You told me to make a desktop shortcut, so I did. Just take the shortcut I made through the mess."

'I'm trying to figure out online shopping. I've found some pants I like, but I can't find a fitting room.'

'What superpower would I like? Normally, invisibility, but as I'm a 53 year old female, I feel that I've already been granted it.'

'My diet allows me only one muffin a day!'

'No booze, no red meat, easy on the carbs...I've given up living so I can live longer.'

"Lost all track fo time with you. 93 unread messages!"

"Dating advice from your old man? Ew, weird. Instead, let's ask Stinky Rick."

"It's called a mobile... but I've been here an hour and have yet to see it move."

"Oh come on!... How can I only have lost two ounces?!"

'Should I buy or sell?'

"Remember, I'm 'catch and release'."

"Tell me again how well your low sodium diet is going."

'Okay, okay. On second thought, maybe going on a diet isn't necessary.'