Data Cynic Gifts

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

"Of course this'll be a great year. The data, sales projections, customer surveys, and my mom all think so."

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

"Good invisible exports figures this quarter, sir."

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"I love your optimism."

'From an aesthetic perspective, it has heart, beauty and intrigue, but is it a viable process design?'

Bottom line, is that the sweet smell of success or your aftershave?

Real data visualization specialists are 100% committed to their profession.

'These latest figure are encouraging...'

"I've given up trying to be on top of things."

Aggression/Security

'Just do the presentation Williams and let the numbers speak for themself.'

'...and what's more, my databank has more data than your databank.'

'Ferguson here will explain the 'worst case scenario' of Social Security Privatization.'

'That one is a bit more expensive, but it comes with a profit.'

'He's working on the great American requirements document.'

"Dear, if the news stresses you out so much, turn it off!"

Customer Complaints - "Thank you, Thompson, for collecting the statistics."

"And this is another economic indicator."

Coincidence or What?

"You call yourselves a demographic?"

"I'll need all the information you can find on why I need so much information."

'After analyzing 5 petabytes of Facebook data and 800 million tweets we were able to conclude that our customers are idiots.'

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

"It's the only image capable of giving him the feels."

'I dunno Jim...Accountancy just doesn't thrill me like it used to.'

"A new survey shows only 3% of Americans take surveys, but everyone believes the stupid things."

Carl's still 51 annoyed at you for saying his opinion was statistically insignificant.

"Well TECHNICALLY he might be DEAD, but accordinh to the hospital's new patient satisfaction metrics he's pretty damned pleased about it."