Digital Cynic Gifts

"Amazing what you can buy online these days."

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

"Dear, if the news stresses you out so much, turn it off!"

Social media and privacy

"If you are a Pulitzer-prize winner, press 1. All others, please press 2."

Unsocial Networking.

"Just saying, if you can't trust your software upgrades, what can you trust?"

"Well, if you can't trust software upgrades, who can you trust?"

The first accurate poll.

"Oh, the usual bills and a friendly reminder from Satan that there's a special place in Hell reserved just for us, but only if we ACT NOW, blah, blah, blah."

"Trust your instinct son, not the rubbish spewed on Social Media..."

Don't worry, Bob. There are some jobs a robot just can't do...like kissing ass.

Old Rope

'It's like home from home, really-rubbish telly, lousy grub..'

Warning! The next programme contains no celebrities.

"Ahem, if you're planning to rob the place could you please get a move on."

"I'd better read the official view before I form an opinion."

"Podcasts, blech. It's like eavesdropping without the intrigue."

Finally, a news network that doesn't fill me up...it's 97 fact free!

"Am I covered for the brain cell damage caused by your TV commercials?"

"Oh my God have you seen this sh-"

'Never read it,mate-too much doom and gloom in it!'

'The movie doesn't scare me - the commercials do.'

"Of course your data isn't really in a cloud. That's almost as silly as thinking your money is actually in this bank."

'I'll tell you, Ed, this new technology is starting to realy spook me out.'

"We interrupt this endless stream of mind-numbing adverts to bring you a TV programme..."

We value your privacy. . . . . yeah, right.

"How dare you liken me to an Evening Standard journalist?"

This is not a scam. Send money and receive authentic 'This is Not A Scam' certificate."

'Smoke signals, sign language, bird calls. . . enough of the social networking!!!'