Data Critique Connoisseur Gifts

"Well TECHNICALLY he might be DEAD, but accordinh to the hospital's new patient satisfaction metrics he's pretty damned pleased about it."

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

Reading my Critics

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"Of course this'll be a great year. The data, sales projections, customer surveys, and my mom all think so."

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"Good invisible exports figures this quarter, sir."

"I love your optimism."

'From an aesthetic perspective, it has heart, beauty and intrigue, but is it a viable process design?'

The writers group met every Tuesday for support and fellowship.

Bottom line, is that the sweet smell of success or your aftershave?

Real data visualization specialists are 100% committed to their profession.

'These latest figure are encouraging...'

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

Aggression/Security

'Just do the presentation Williams and let the numbers speak for themself.'

'...and what's more, my databank has more data than your databank.'

'That one is a bit more expensive, but it comes with a profit.'

"My kid could do that."

'Ferguson here will explain the 'worst case scenario' of Social Security Privatization.'

'He's working on the great American requirements document.'

Customer Complaints - "Thank you, Thompson, for collecting the statistics."

"And this is another economic indicator."

"You call yourselves a demographic?"

"I'll need all the information you can find on why I need so much information."

'After analyzing 5 petabytes of Facebook data and 800 million tweets we were able to conclude that our customers are idiots.'

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

"A new survey shows only 3% of Americans take surveys, but everyone believes the stupid things."

"Misery, torment, N.Y. football"