Commercial Critique Connoisseur Gifts

'Customers aren't paying us because our ads claim that our siding will pay for itself!'

Reading my Critics

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

The writers group met every Tuesday for support and fellowship.

Tarzan has gone into advertising. He's king of the jingle now.

'No. . . I'll never spend £400 on a haircut. . .'

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

". . . yes, sir, folks . . . and furthermore, folks . . . for real quality, folks . . . yes, sir, folks . . ."

Roads with a view.

"Ah yes, I know this bit...it's from the advert!"

Actually, Mama was her third word. Buy Now were her first two.

"My kid could do that."

"Guess what. School is presented without commercial interruption."

Sculptor's chippings

"...but do not take Clynkovix if you are already taking any other drug with a ridiculous name."

"We interrupt this advertisement to bring you another advertisement that has just been rushed to the studio."

"Poor bastard. The New York 'Times' just panned his zinfandel."

'Thank goodness for these commercials on the nightly news or we'd never be aware that we need all these prescription medications.'

"And now a word from our sponsors...ratings."

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

'Let me guess: you and everyone else?'

'This advertising campagn is stupid and disgusting and it appeals to peoples' most primitive instincts. I love it.'

Barbed Pen

"The first three chapters read like they were written by some guy on a couch."

College Bowl Games - Sponsors

"The show's a big hit, but a little too risque. It's not worth the aggravation we're getting from the watchdog groups."

"He's a mental-health critic."

'I'm not sure if it's the programs or the commercials, but one is supposed to be a lot worse than the other.'

A railway station covered in advertising.

'The following program was made possible by a totally unscrupulous sponsor....'

"Play it like, sure, the world sees you as just a hamburger, but you know there's so much more to you than that."

Film Critic