Darwinian Jesters Gifts

'No wonder they're not good tree climbers: Their shoes stop them from using their feet...'

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

'The good teen-age mime chooses to study for an exam, while the bad one chooses to steal hubcaps.'

"Now that we're into spring, we want to warn you that spring fever can be contagious..."

'Everybody from Liverpool's a comedian.'

"As a courtesy for the inconvenience, please accept a voucher for three additional hours of your life, redeemable upon your death."

'I thought your new year's resolution was to get the monkey off your back!'

Pie chart of pub conversations

Cave lady about cave boy with big rolling stone: 'Here comes Junior with his report card.'

'I take it his performance review went well.'

"Let's see how brave you are without your gun."

'Why can't I park it here? I'm just getting my moneys worth.'

Pumping up wig in blender.

"He damaged a nerve when he pulled the thorn out. I'd have had a surefire malpractice suit if I hadn't eaten him."

Vendor is the knight: knight sells hotdogs.

Looking for a cool cat.

Todays Special: Vented Spleen.

The end of the world is at hand: '10... 9... 8... 7...'

'Cheetah?... Boy?...Simba?... Jane?....'

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'Make sure he gets plenty of fruit.'

Banana Arcade Game

"Not the God I expected."

'Og and Ooga sitting in a tree, e-v-o-l-v-i-n-g!'

"You're not going to eat me are you? Have you never heard of mad worm disease?"

"Every Christmas you make a lot of primises you never keep, why don't you become a politian."

"Run for your lives! The sea level is rising at the rate of about 1 foot per century!"

Bus Stop - 49 Bus Reputed Sightings.

Thrift: 'Collect a smaller child than your own from school... It eats less and fits the old clothes of the previous child.'

'What with Obama and all his giveaways, I'm surprised you're still in business.'

'It sounds like the Zulu Standup Comic tribe is restless tonight! I hear rimshots!'

Man flashing at a periscope in the middle of the ocean

"Your 'Low On Ink' light is lit."

'Sorry, pal - I don't really go for ginger blokes.'

Heaven - Hard Hat Area