Darkroom Dweller Gifts

'Damn. The dark is leaking out of the dark room again.'

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

Shed Into Dream Playhouse.

"When I grow up, I want to become president and eventually the subject of a groundbreaking, critically-acclaimed Broadway musical."

"I'm bored."

In case of emergency, break glass.

"Because webmasters don't take out the trash, that's why"

''A desk job.' That's what they called it at the interview.' 'Same here.' 'SHH!'

Emergency exit into Space

"I'll give you $5 for that shirt."

'Too bad we're not pay-per-view.'

'Don't worry about the company's pension plan. The way we work you, you'll be lucky to live that long!'

''Surprise' starts with an 'S', Wilkins! You're in the wrong drawer again!'

Spooning

Businessman at a bar mad to look like desk. Bartender says: 'The usual, Mr. B?'

'I've noticed that no matter how busy you are, you are never too busy to stop an talk about how busy you are.'

Full work boxes: 'IN and MORE IN'.

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

"I think I might go outside. My fresh air app is glitchy today."

'Bring me the Wimbish report and a short worm, Ms Perkins, no time for lunch today.'

The weightless office.

'I'm afraid Mr. Caldwell doesn't want to see you now. However, you're free to visit his web site.'

Al, The Go-From Guy

'It wasn't until Picasso realzed he was earning $2,856 per hour that he began painting all night.'

Biting Slippers.

"Tell the employees that from now I want them to do as I say, not as I do."

"That's our copy cat."

Paper being carefully folded until it resembles a scrunched up paper ball.

"Experience is the wonderful knowledge that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again."

'No seriously. His final words actually were, 'If I only had spent more time at the office.''

"Wait a minute. Where am I going? I'm a writer."

'I was married to my job, until I recognized it as a co-dependent relationship.'

Desk Request

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."