Dark Humor Buddy Pillows

"Man, Clowns really creep me out. . ."

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

'... And this is my cellar.'

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

Out To Lurch

Another day at work would be one too many...

'Now they're just taking the piss.'

Dead Funny

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

"Hey, remember a few days ago, when all this was unacceptable?"

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"Housekeeping?!"

The practical psychopath

"O.K., time's up. Pencils down."

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

End the Winter Blues

"How about if we just winter in hell?"