Dark Comedian Pillows

'Venison steaks for a year! Now, Mikey will tell you the bad news.'

Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Terrorist Chatter

'That's stiff competition'

101 uses of a dead cat: toast rack

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

'... And this is my cellar.'

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

Out To Lurch

'Now they're just taking the piss.'

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

Dead Funny

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

Another day at work would be one too many...

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

Tunnel of Love/Lover's Leap.

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"The Eggsorcist"

"O.K., time's up. Pencils down."

Zombies.

Murder in Apartment 6-K

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

The practical psychopath

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"Needs to get a life"

End the Winter Blues