Dark Comedy Pillows

'Can I check my emails first?'

"Don't worry, we can handle all the arrangements for your husband. We can even make it look like an accident."

A cat sleeps with prey heads around it as warnings.

'This had better be important, I'm in the middle of a conference call!'

"Yes, it was a lovely meal wasn't it? I used a marvellous new caterer called 'pest control'."

'I'll have a better idea what's wrong with you when I receive the results of your autopsy... I mean tests. The results of your tests.'

"And lastly, for all eternity, French, blue cheese, or ranch?"

'For the jillionth time, I have looked everywhere! That winning lottery ticket has got to be in his pants!'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

Grim Reapers protesting against euthanasia Death Not Jobs

"On the plus side, it's nice to be doing something together."

"I'm thinking about having a child."

You're SORRY?!! You bite the manager in the neck and fly out the window and all you can say is you're SORRY?!!

'Guess who.'

'I'm afraid it's cancer...And not the good kind.'

Guys in torture chamber: 'TGIF!' and 'Shaddup.'

'To look on the bright side - at least they speak English!'

"As you are a fan of the Sopranos, Big Tony will turn you into one."

'What do you mean you don't rent helicopters?' (Santa shot all his reindeer)

'This modestly priced model says, 'He always seemed like an okay guy.''

Overkill

"Hello. . . I was canvassing the local area, and I thought I'd call on you. . ."

"When did last requests take over our lives?"

"It's so nice just to be dead for the summer."

"You suck the life out of him. I'm gonna see what's in his wallet."

"Race ya ..."

"Remember that weekend in Saint-Tropez when you tried to eat my small intestine?"

"So, Claire tells me you ate her parents last night."

"Why, yes, Phil, I do remember where I was when JFK was shot."

"I made a nice zucchini bread."

"Do you want a pinch of dinner."

Post future today

"It just don't feel right, drinking him like that."

"Get that kid out of here."

"Thoughts?"