Dark Comedy Pillows

'Can I check my emails first?'

"Don't worry, we can handle all the arrangements for your husband. We can even make it look like an accident."

A cat sleeps with prey heads around it as warnings.

"Yes, it was a lovely meal wasn't it? I used a marvellous new caterer called 'pest control'."

'This had better be important, I'm in the middle of a conference call!'

'I'll have a better idea what's wrong with you when I receive the results of your autopsy... I mean tests. The results of your tests.'

Grim Reapers protesting against euthanasia Death Not Jobs

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

"And lastly, for all eternity, French, blue cheese, or ranch?"

'For the jillionth time, I have looked everywhere! That winning lottery ticket has got to be in his pants!'

"Hello. . . I was canvassing the local area, and I thought I'd call on you. . ."

You're SORRY?!! You bite the manager in the neck and fly out the window and all you can say is you're SORRY?!!

"I'm thinking about having a child."

"On the plus side, it's nice to be doing something together."

'Hey Larry! Jim here! Haven't seen you since way last Christmas! How the heck are ya, dude?'

'What do you mean you don't rent helicopters?' (Santa shot all his reindeer)

'Guess who.'

Guys in torture chamber: 'TGIF!' and 'Shaddup.'

"As you are a fan of the Sopranos, Big Tony will turn you into one."

'This modestly priced model says, 'He always seemed like an okay guy.''

'To look on the bright side - at least they speak English!'

'I'm afraid it's cancer...And not the good kind.'

Overkill

"When did last requests take over our lives?"

"You suck the life out of him. I'm gonna see what's in his wallet."

"Race ya ..."

"If you're from 'this is your life; I'm outta' here."

"We have a special this week. You have your choice of being nuggets, tenders, or strips."

Night of the Stingy Vampire Hunters

Great, the skeletons of all the other cartoon characters who were here before us.

(No caption. Product information on a bag reads, "Miracle Kil for lawns." with the Grim Reaper applying it to his lawn.)

Oh, sorry, those were the unearthly screams of the eternally damned. I'll take it off speaker.

Ew, I look terrible! Take one more!

"O.K., time's up. Pencils down."

"Do you want a pinch of dinner."