Dark Comedians Pillows

Santa Claus doesn't exist because he got eaten up by zombie elves.

"I'm an optimist."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

'Alright, which one of you wise guys pulled the fire alarm?'

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

Dead Funny

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

"O.K., time's up. Pencils down."

Pastries and Candy

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

100 best beheadings

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

"Day 736. Still loving the fact that I can smoke all over this island..."

Tim Burton

The Friendship Between Death and the Doctor.

Vampire coming out of a body piercing shop with a stake in his heart

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

"I lose more girlfriends that way."

Fancy a pint?

Vampire baby in 'Grav-co' stroller.

"Without question the funniest patient I’ve ever lost."

"Igor, you fool! I said 'healthy brain'!"

"Death coach..."

"Don't be a sentimental fool, Harker!"

Cheer up-things aren't so bad.....

'No, no, no. Shout 'clear' BEFORE zapping him.'

Viral Pathology Center (janitor finding three dead bodies)

'You lost your home and farm. Do you want to talk about it?

Unbeknownst to many, the Frankenstein legend was in fact based on Albert Grimes, the mad tree surgeon.