Dark Arts Appreciator Gifts

100 best beheadings

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

"Hey, remember a few days ago, when all this was unacceptable?"

He looks so natural lying there...

'The massive arrests have made the plans for downsizing much easier.'

I crawled out of a toilet and ate a guy. Say my name 3 times in a mirror. I dare you. No one suspects I'm Slenderman. She took me home. Then she woke up in a tub of ice missing a kidney. Urban Legends-in-Their-Own-Minds.

The Fall of Gnome

"This makes Pamplona seem like child's play."

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

Cheating Death.

"Promise me that if I die first you won't eat me."

'You don't need a colonoscopy, but I'm sending you for one because, quite frankly, I don't like you.'

'I know you don't belong here, but if we let you go to Heaven, we couldn't not guarantee your safety.'

"It's a bit of a surprise. He has eaten people before, but only when he felt threatened. Your husband must have provoked him."

The Reaper's Arms

Existential Risk

Nick Cave

"I couldn't finish that book either."

'I'm quite impressed with your bloodthirstiness but we won't be able to offer you health benefits eternally.'

Vincent Van Goth.

"Great! The defibrillator still works! Thank you, nurse!"

Cupid's Valentine

Life coach faces the Grim Reaper

"Another clear case of COVID19."

'The anti-Christ can't pick up a phone?'

"Have you got any man eating plants?"

'Another Scotch?'

Vampire shaving cut dilemma.

"Running out for lawyers and CEOs. Want anything?"

Night of the living will

"You were smart to come see, Mr. Lewis. These moles on your back definitely look suspicious."

'What do you mean the men are unhappy! What on earth gives you that idea?'