Dark Art Collector Gifts

Covid Triptych

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

Use your imagination.

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

All bets are off as Round One begins in the "Dollars versus Donuts" World Championship title fight.

Dynasties - Ping, Ching, Ming.

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

Art Gallery.

"He's an abstract artist."

100 best beheadings

'It's a giant inkblot on loan from the psychiatrist who owns the unit next door.'

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

"I read 'Art News.'"

"He begged his wife and kids to join him in Tahiti, but he didn't mean a word of it, the bastard."

"Definitive." "Compelling." "Persuasive." "Upside down."

"What's most exciting about NFTs is the opportunity for dynamic new content."

Private Viewing

"Thrilling news, sweetie! The National Gallery's entire collection of Velázquez is now attributed to you."

"Good, clean art from the Molly Murphy Collection"

'The Grand Jury doesn't understand me...'

'...The good news is the Guggenheim has offered $2,500,000 for our chart.'

'It's like a piece of music, like Mozart or Beethoven.'

'I'm very proud of my El Gecko.'

"You like it? It’s from the MoMA Store!"

"It's a forgery―and a recent one, too."

"Ah, Stevens—sit anywhere."

Vincent Van Goth.

Monet in the '90s.