Dark Art Collector T-Shirts

Covid Triptych

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

Use your imagination.

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

All bets are off as Round One begins in the "Dollars versus Donuts" World Championship title fight.

Dynasties - Ping, Ching, Ming.

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

"My wife commissioned a portrait of me."

Museum. Hours. You're donating your collection of pre-Columbian art? Yes! What's Mayan is yours!

When cartoonists drink too much coffee.

Art Gallery.

100 best beheadings

"He's an abstract artist."

'It's a giant inkblot on loan from the psychiatrist who owns the unit next door.'

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

"What's most exciting about NFTs is the opportunity for dynamic new content."

"Definitive." "Compelling." "Persuasive." "Upside down."

"Thrilling news, sweetie! The National Gallery's entire collection of Velázquez is now attributed to you."

"He begged his wife and kids to join him in Tahiti, but he didn't mean a word of it, the bastard."

"I read 'Art News.'"

"Good, clean art from the Molly Murphy Collection"

Tommy, Math quiz. It's one of his earliest pieces.

'The Grand Jury doesn't understand me...'

Private Viewing

'...The good news is the Guggenheim has offered $2,500,000 for our chart.'

'It's like a piece of music, like Mozart or Beethoven.'

'I'm very proud of my El Gecko.'

"It's a forgery―and a recent one, too."

"You like it? It’s from the MoMA Store!"

"Ah, Stevens—sit anywhere."

Vincent Van Goth.