Daily Shopper's Dilemma Gifts

'No, I'm sorry, we don't do the large tins any more.'

"They're on special offer so I got three times more than I could ever use for twice as much as I could afford!"

"It's black, but it's not New York black."

'I've never opened her up on the highway, but I get great mileage in the city!'

Sale.

'What can you get with a quarter?'

Crisis Buzz.

"Got any cards saying friendship is priceless under 5 bucks?"

He only had enough money for one, and for the life of him he couldn't remember the difference,

The Bargain Brand

How much would you take off for cash?

Down on Her.

"You might say I'm middle-of-the-road. I'd buy a fur coat but I wouldn't buy a Japanese fur coat."

'I'm sure they make it up in volume.'

Complex Carbs

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

'We're going to need a bigger basket.'

"I got napkins, family photos, and the strongest lip balm in the city."

"You've got two more things to worry about now. You're mad and I'm expensive."

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

Cash Rebate

Vendo Tree.

"Relax sir, I'm sure chef barely remembers you posting a negative review online."

Birthday Party Supplies: Plates, Cups, Decorations, Games, Aspirin, Ibuprofen.

Buying roses - 'You got any with no stem?'

"Tia Carmen! We're at Plaza Mall...not Flaco's Flea Market!"

Feed & Grain. Credit Cards and E-Payments Only. Being a cash cow is tougher than it used to be.

'What do you sugget for a couple of fuddyduddies who love hot and spicy, but have to eat bland?'

'I remember my pin but I've forgotten my signature!'

'Mail order? You said all the toys were hand-made!'

Yard Sale: Like-New Kitchen Gadgets

"I don't need one, Gracie. My shopping list is very simple! Things I have a coupon for and things that are on sale!"

'Jim gets a powerful charge from electric cars but always gets burned by the sticker shock.'

'I don't understand how our grocery prices have inflated 15% yet you've inflated 25%'

'What's this about the food tasting funny?'