Daily Chore Warrior Pillows

"You call that a made bed?"

Extreme Sisyphus

"Congratulations, Figbert. I'm making you Vice President in charge of my wife's Honey-Do-List."

'Misery is sleeping in late on Saturday morning then realizing it's only Wednesday...'

'My therapist defines insanity as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.'

'Why should I look forward to the weekend? Rake leaves, clean out the gutters, mend the fence, wash the car...'

"Watch him. His body says Monday but his face says Friday."

The Twelve Labors of Hercules of Elmhurst

'Wednesday wave.'

"Tuesday mornings don't get enough respect. They should be hated just as much as Monday mornings."

"Leave your weekends open. I'll be dropping a lot more of these."

"Just empty it."

'Monday morning feeling? But it's thursday!'

"That goes to the dry cleaners."

'I did my part of house cleaning, now it's your time...it's shovel ready'

'Realist Trac, with 4 settings...'

"Ugh. My hip hurts, my lower back aches, and my wrist is killing me. Stupid yoga!"

"What is that creepy sound?" "Don't worry. It's just the ghost of the old dishwasher."

'How's the soup of the day coming along, Chef?'

'Mr. big shot scientist who works 18 hours a day at a prestigious lab developing high strength corrosion inhibitors, but can I get him to spend 2 minutes getting rust stains out of our own tub? No.'

'Who's the clown responsible for ordering the new exercise equipment?'

"I just washed and waxed it. I don't want the birds messing it up!"

"Edward Shovelhands"

'Mom, how old was I when Dad first hired you to do all this stuff around the house?'

"I knew it would be a silly idea to ask him to hang the washing out for me,"

'When he said he wanted to put me on a pedestal, it was only so I could dust the ceiling fan!'

'As the CEO of a large corporation, I don't suppose you'd consider taking out the garbage?'

'If we keep the grass short, predators are less likely to sneak up unnoticed...'

'Stop complaining - at least it keeps you out of the kitchen.'

'Why don't you use a leaf blower? It annoys the hell out of people.'

I HATE MONDAYS: what's a 'monday'?

Displacement activities for people who work from home...