Dad Jokes Appreciator Pillows

'Hey son, I'm to look under my cap to see if I won a free soda.'

"Right now I'm a stay-at-home dad, but when this baby comes I'm going back to work."

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

Flyfishing for dummies.

"Look, honey, I got dinner on line!"

Next to Nothing

"Sure was a lot of screaming for the happiest day of your life."

Note Book

"How much did it cost to have your ears pierced?"

Official Team Cap With Beard

Looky... It's Bat'minton... I'll see myself out."

"I don't think the crackling sound coming from your lower back is as serious as you thought. Just relax and I'll have this Rice Krispie Square out of your back pocket in no time."

"OK...what's the quickest way to the hospital?"

'The brown one that smells like an old man.'

"The reason you're not popular is...well...you smell like shark repellant."

"Okay, I'll change your diaper, but you better not tell any of my patients."

"Have you seen my wife?"

Child on a schedule.

'Dad, I need help with chemistry, what's the periodic table?'

"How long before I have a dad body?"

'In this rare photo of President Bush standing beside former President Clinton, one can't help but notice how the weight of office has grayed their hair.'

"Sergio, you are the best father in the world. Except, you know, when you're not."

'What'd you make dad' - 'It's a snowman, with his ugly, ungrateful son,'

Vasectomy Clinic: Convert to Unleaded Here

"Someday you'll understand the ways of the world...with the exception of tax and health insurance forms."

"Yo, Greg!" "Hey, Warren!"

Cocktail Franks

"I figured I'd start with one love handle and if you liked it, go for the pair."

"I hope you've got planning permission for that?"

"'No bones about it?' What? Oh, right. I get it. Ha."

Vulgar-free Beaver

'I've got a good idea to improve the team.'

A man outside of gents toilet sees sign: New Men - With Baby changing facilities.