Dad Jokes Lover Pillows

"Dad have you noticed? I do home-work. You do work-from-home."

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

'He's bound to wake up sometime!'

"Look, honey, I got dinner on line!"

"What do you call a person who only eats corn?"

Nobody mourned Sir Dad-Joke.

Next to Nothing

'That's a picture of my granddad with shoulder length hair and a beard. That's why mom calls these albums hair looms.'

"I love my new tie! I'll wear it to work tomorrow." "The report'll be done shortly." "Excellent!"

Hammer and chisel discussing what they've been doing, chisel says; 'Oh you know, getting into a few scrapes.'

Note Book

"Sure was a lot of screaming for the happiest day of your life."

"How much did it cost to have your ears pierced?"

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

"It's a dependent!"

Looky... It's Bat'minton... I'll see myself out."

"I don't think the crackling sound coming from your lower back is as serious as you thought. Just relax and I'll have this Rice Krispie Square out of your back pocket in no time."

"OK...what's the quickest way to the hospital?"

'These young doctors know nothing, I used to see 500 patients every day...'

'The brown one that smells like an old man.'

"Have you seen my wife?"

"Okay, I'll change your diaper, but you better not tell any of my patients."

'Hey, I just mopped the yard.'

Child on a schedule.

'Dad, I need help with chemistry, what's the periodic table?'

"Sergio, you are the best father in the world. Except, you know, when you're not."

'In this rare photo of President Bush standing beside former President Clinton, one can't help but notice how the weight of office has grayed their hair.'

"What happens if you get the headphones in the wrong ear?"

'This mandarin chicken is delicious, Dad. It tastes like you bought it yourself.'

"Oh no, the lectern and microphone. I get the feeling I'm getting another one of your boring life lectures."

'What'd you make dad' - 'It's a snowman, with his ugly, ungrateful son,'

"Yo, Greg!" "Hey, Warren!"

"Someday you'll understand the ways of the world...with the exception of tax and health insurance forms."