Lover Of Dad Jokes Pillows

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

'The brown one that smells like an old man.'

"As weed-whackers go, it's a little quiet for my taste."

"I don't think the crackling sound coming from your lower back is as serious as you thought. Just relax and I'll have this Rice Krispie Square out of your back pocket in no time."

"Have you seen my wife?"

That's why you can't have suckers.

Hunting safety rule #1...Don't go hunting with Larry.

Cry babies.

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

'He's bound to wake up sometime!'

"Look, honey, I got dinner on line!"

Nobody mourned Sir Dad-Joke.

"What do you call a person who only eats corn?"

Next to Nothing

'That's a picture of my granddad with shoulder length hair and a beard. That's why mom calls these albums hair looms.'

"I love my new tie! I'll wear it to work tomorrow." "The report'll be done shortly." "Excellent!"

Hammer and chisel discussing what they've been doing, chisel says; 'Oh you know, getting into a few scrapes.'

Official Team Cap With Beard

"Sure was a lot of screaming for the happiest day of your life."

"Bad news. Your use-by date was a month ago."

Note Book

"How much did it cost to have your ears pierced?"

"It's a dependent!"

"OK...what's the quickest way to the hospital?"

Looky... It's Bat'minton... I'll see myself out."

"Okay, I'll change your diaper, but you better not tell any of my patients."

'Good one Dad. Imagine your catch if you had bought us REAl fishing gear.'

Child on a schedule.

'Dad, I need help with chemistry, what's the periodic table?'

"What happens if you get the headphones in the wrong ear?"

"Oh no, the lectern and microphone. I get the feeling I'm getting another one of your boring life lectures."

'In this rare photo of President Bush standing beside former President Clinton, one can't help but notice how the weight of office has grayed their hair.'

"Sergio, you are the best father in the world. Except, you know, when you're not."

'What'd you make dad' - 'It's a snowman, with his ugly, ungrateful son,'

"Yo, Greg!" "Hey, Warren!"