Cybersecurity Sleuth Gifts

"Oh, we used to use a crystal ball, but hacking into your credit files is much more informative!"

"The report is clear that cyber crime is on the increase, it's a worry."

We Won't Steal Your Identity

'Gimme all your cache!'

"OMG! Guys, you won't believe how many passwords and user-names I've found in here."

Former Computer Hacker, will unfreeze your computer for Bitcoin.

"It's the age-old question of our existence, Bill: 'Why does bad data happen to good computers?'"

"There's a rumor that someone in the company is spreading a virus."

"You mean you leaked his password because he uses my name as his password instead of yours?"

It's the Dr. Sadie Advice Hour. "John Smith" in Hollywood, you're on. What's your problem?! House of Java.net Cybercafe. If I cooked a ... cake ... and then hackers got mad and broke into my system and caused havoc, and so I withdrew the ... cake ... from the market, how could I regain my image as a bold ... cake ...maker? Is "John Smith" your real name?! A bold ... cake ... maker would use his real name. Your show doesn't air in North Korea, does it?

By the time I found the key to success, they'd added a password.

'Geek computer hackers wouldn't have survived a week at MY West Point!'

"Your compulsive talk about crazy diets, get rich schemes, and mail order drugs -- your pacemaker's been hacked and you're spamming."

'I forgot my password - fortunately, the hacker hotline could help!'

Ali Baba and the 40 Hacks

"Mom, about your hyphenated last name. . . which one should I use for my secret password question?"

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

"Look, Professor - a stegosaurus!"

"It's so cute when the boss brings his son to work and pretends to let him help out!"

"Excuse me, Professor. I think I might have spotted a flaw in your theory!"

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

Roentgen tries to figure out what he's discovered.

'The dog ate my homework -- I thought maybe you could X-ray him.'

"Careful! He knows computers."

"I need to self isolate. . . but I thought I'd better come in and see you first!"

Cyb-R Safe: Offering the most convincing illusion of on-line security available today!

Clickbait

"So who is this First pet?"

"Honey, are we watching TV or is it watching us?"

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

'What an execrable day. I got drenched in a Wiki leak and buried in a document dump.'

"Perkins! What have you gone and done now...??"

"We've updated our privacy policy...it's so private we can't even tell you."

If at first you don't succeed call it version 1.0