Cyber Identity Detective Pillows

"Harold keeps googling his name. He's trying to find himself."

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

Alternative Medicine

'See, dear, you can't believe everything you read. It says so right here on the internet!'

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

The new Physics

Christopher Isherwood

Says here the Navy's going to be patrolling the South China Sea. It could spark a history-changing war. Google tells me the last time a Naval conflict changed history, it was the Battle of Midway. You were alive at that time. How awesome was it to already be ancient when Midway happened? I never expected a question like that from a prepubescent stooge like you. Was it as awesome as when you saw Cleopatra lose at the Battle of Actium? I see you're bringing Google's a-game today.

'I can't believe an Alligator stole my identity... I mean, it's quite obvious I'm a Crocodile!'

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

"Hacking and eavesdropping are my top skills. I guess you could say I'm a good listener."

'It's a sad case -- amnesia AND identity theft.'

"I only told a few friends."

"If this is secret information the government doesn't want us to know, how come we can read about it on facebook?"

I'd like a second opinion on your self-diagnosis - So a random guy from the waiting room is googling your symptoms.

Spam traps on mobiles

"Yes, I'm a superhero. I'm not attractive, muscular or charming because I work in the 'cyber crimes' division."

"I think Baxter needs a break."

Vacancy at the Ecuadoran Embassy

"They'll never guess how we stole their data."

"...and for your part in the computer fraud I sentence you to eighteen months @www.hermajestiesprison.co.uk"

"The tweet you posted last night struck a chord around the world, united all factions, and basically altered the course of humanity."

"One of you got online and stole my identity, which is weird because there's not one thing unique about us."

"Jeez, Alice, at least Google him first."

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

The Darknet starts right here.

"If there's a way in, they'll find it."

'Well, I don't know anything about 'identity theft'. All I can tell you, is that according to these records you're already here.'

"He opened his email and saw the attachment from an unknown source. His hand slowly reached to click on the paper clip. He had no idea what horror awaited him. . ."

"People are always whining about food labelling, but there's NOTHING that ANYONE with a reasonable chemistry degree and maybe a PhD in pharmacology wouldn't with a little effort, be able to understand....At least a little."

Berlitz guide to Scamese

Psychiatry. Why go on a voyage of self-discovery when I can just Google myself?

It's only an email, what harm can it do?

'Sure, I can reprogram your microchip if you want to change your identity...'